Does he or does he not?

Write about your first crush.

I once had a crush on a guy around the first year of High School.

We became friends. We even went to the same undergrad school. We have been together since as classmates, best friends, etc. We had the same group of friends in college. I still had the same feelings for him that I had since we first met. To an extent that I never really noticed anybody else. I made loads of friends around this time but my feelings were the same. For this guy. He was my eternal soulmate (in my head). The crush began when I was 16 and at 22 I still felt the same for him. We were still close friends. The very best of friends.

Did he know about my feelings? Yes, no, maybe. Maybe he did. I did tell him. But I pretended like it didn’t matter.

I did not want to act on my feelings. Why? Well, I had a laundry list of reasons why… and they all made sense to me then.

To be honest, it didn’t matter to me whether I had feelings for someone or not. I was a very focused student. I wanted to do well on my grades and have a good career.

And I did. I made a very good career for myself.

Then after graduating from college and getting myself a good job, I met someone, at 22.

I got into a relationship with this guy. My very first **real** relationship.

I felt then that all my “feelings” will now be transferred to this person, who was also a good friend. We connected on a lot of shared interests and hobbies. We had things in common.

So though I was not quite in love with this person, he felt like a ‘better match’.

I gave it time. I waited for love to happen.

Maybe it did to an extent. I did feel something for my now boyfriend. But it was not quite the same.

My “feelings” for my best friend were still intact. Maybe now I was more distracted towards my boyfriend but my feelings for my best friend never quite went away.

I finally married the boyfriend.

Things were not great with us before or even after marriage.

Our relationship turned sour and changed into downright abuse. In my attempt to do things right by me I had married a pathological narcissist who had abused me and battered my soul.

Somehow in those difficult times, my “feelings” for my best friend came haunting back to me.

In my troubled times when married, it was my feelings for my best friend that came to the rescue and maintained my sanity. We were oceans apart then and not as much in touch. But only my feelings came to the rescue.

They rescued me from depression, from the dark nights of the soul. From my abuse-ridden trauma.

It had almost been a decade since I had discovered my feelings for my best friend.

The good thing was, he was still my confidant when needed. We had maintained distance since my boyfriend and now husband came into the picture, but we still bonded like we used to. We were still best friends.

I shared titbits of my life with him whenever I got a chance.

When I eventually got divorced, he was there for me. He became my crutch around that period when getting up and meeting a real person felt like climbing a mountain.

He took care of me and still helped me maintain sanity. He became my family during those times when I was fending for myself after separating with my abusive husband.

I finally got out of that troubled period and went back to being a normal person again.

We were still good friends and I still had feelings for him.

One day he called me to tell me he had finally found his The One. I was super happy for him.

But I felt sad for some time.

That is when I sent him an email. In that email I expressed myself and all that I wanted to tell him for a decade.

But it was just a congratulatory email. I was Very Happy for him.

Now all of it just a beautiful memory.

So should you tell your best friend that you have a crush on him? Yes. You definitely should.

Kay’s Corner