Books that got me through my Depression

Books that can heal

When you are depressed, the last thing you want to do is read something that will invoke thoughts….make you do things that maybe you are not quite ready for. That’s when listening to the soul – that small often silent voice that sends signals from time to time. In my period of depression and some heavy soul searching while groping through the darkness…. It was my love for books that had helped me survive.

Here are some books that might feed the soul.

⁃ Mastery of Life by Ralph Waldo Emerson – This book has five essays that capture the profoundness of life. While his essay on Compensation is the most talked about to resolve money matters, I found his essay on Self-Reliance and Fate especially insightful.

Emerson’s words resonated with me on a deeper level than I ever expected. “Self-Reliance and Fate” wasn’t just about financial independence, though that was a message I desperately needed to hear. It was about trusting my own intuition, carving my own path, and not letting societal expectations dictate my life. His call to “trust thyself” felt like a lifeline thrown across the murky waters of depression. Here I was, adrift in a sea of self-doubt, and Emerson was urging me to grab the oars and start rowing towards my own personal shore.

The concept of fate, however, was a bit trickier. While Emerson spoke of a universal order, a grand design, it felt at odds with the chaos I was experiencing. But then, a lightbulb moment. Maybe fate wasn’t some predetermined script; maybe it was more like a choose-your-own-adventure story. The overarching themes might be set, but the choices I made, the paths I took, all contributed to the narrative of my life. This reframing offered a glimmer of control, a sense that even in the throes of depression, I still held the pen.

That realization, however small, was a turning point. Armed with Emerson’s wisdom and a newfound sense of agency, I started making small changes. I dusted off my neglected art supplies, a childhood passion I’d abandoned under the weight of self-criticism. The initial brushstrokes were hesitant, but with each stroke, a sliver of color seeped back into my world.

This wasn’t a magical cure, of course. Depression remained a constant companion, whispering doubts and anxieties in my ear. But now, I had tools to combat them. Emerson’s words became a mantra, a source of inner strength. The blank canvas became a safe space to express the turmoil within, a way to process emotions I couldn’t yet articulate.

The journey was far from linear. There were days when the darkness threatened to engulf me again, days when picking up a paintbrush felt like an insurmountable task. But with each small victory, each completed artwork, a tiny ember of hope flickered brighter. Maybe, just maybe, there was light at the end of the tunnel. And maybe, just maybe, I had the strength to walk towards it, one brushstroke at a time.

⁃ Women who run with the wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes – If life or your existence does not make sense to you, or maybe you feel like an outsider in your own community do read this one.

Diving into “Women Who Run With the Wolves” felt like stepping into a forgotten language, a dialect of the soul I desperately needed to relearn. Estes’ words wove myths and fairytales into a tapestry that resonated deep within my bones. The concept of the Wild Woman, a powerful, instinctive force within every woman, struck a chord that had long been muted by societal expectations. Here, in these pages, was a fierce spirit that mirrored the very essence I felt buried under layers of self-doubt.

The book wasn’t just about reclaiming this Wild Woman, though. It was about understanding the various archetypes within her – the Creatrix, the Bone Woman, the Seeker. Estes painted a picture of a woman as a complex, multifaceted being, capable of immense creation, fierce resilience, and a relentless pursuit of truth. It was a stark contrast to the one-dimensional image I’d been conditioned to see – the perfect wife, the nurturing mother, the quiet follower.

As I delved deeper, the stories resonated with experiences I’d tucked away in the dusty corners of my mind. The silencing of my voice, the stifling of my creativity, the constant pressure to conform – all these experiences found a voice within the myths. But Estes didn’t dwell on the darkness; she offered pathways to reclaim the lost parts of ourselves. Through journaling prompts, rituals, and a deep connection with nature, she provided tools to awaken the Wild Woman within.

It wasn’t easy. There were days when the whispers of doubt drowned out Estes’ empowering message. But with each step into the woods near my house, each deliberate breath of fresh air, a tiny spark of the Wild Woman began to ignite. The act of writing, once a chore, transformed into a raw exploration of my inner landscape. I started noticing the beauty in the mundane – the resilience of a dandelion pushing through cracks in the pavement, the vibrant hues of a sunset after a storm.

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the colors in my world started to return. Depression remained a shadow, a constant reminder of the battle within. But now, I wasn’t alone. Estes had given me a voice, a compass, and a pack of wild women – both fictional and real – to guide me on my path. The journey towards wholeness was far from over, but with each unearthed memory, each reclaimed piece of myself, the Wild Woman within grew a little stronger, ready to face the world with a fierce glint in her eyes.

⁃ Joyous body by Clarissa Pinkola Estes – This book helps understand the deep-rooted being called Body and how important her role is not just for us but also as a conscious being with its own intelligence that serves the entire planet. It refers to the body as your consort, your companion in the magical experience of Life.

After the eye-opening journey with “Women Who Run With the Wolves,” Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ “Joyous Body” felt like a natural progression. Here, the focus wasn’t just on reclaiming the Wild Woman within, but on appreciating and nurturing the very vessel that housed her – my body.

Estes shattered the societal narrative of the body as a battleground, something to be controlled and shrunk. Instead, she painted a picture of a magnificent, intelligent being, a “consort” on this magical experience of life. The book challenged me to confront negative self-talk and the constant pressure to conform to unrealistic beauty standards. It was a call to reconnect with my body, to listen to its whispers and respect its needs.

This wasn’t about blind indulgence or a denial of health. It was about forging a respectful partnership. Estes offered practices like mindful movement and body appreciation rituals. Suddenly, the act of stretching wasn’t just a chore, but a way to celebrate my body’s flexibility. Eating nourishing food became a communion with the earth, a way to fuel my body for the journey ahead.

The impact was profound. The chronic aches and pains that had become companions started to lessen as I listened to my body’s signals for rest and movement. I started noticing the subtle shifts in my energy levels, learning to anticipate what my body needed. This newfound awareness wasn’t just physical; it was emotional as well. My body became a barometer of my mental state, a reflection of the turmoil within. Learning to soothe my physical anxieties through deep breathing and gentle stretches helped me calm the storm raging inside.

The journey of reconnecting with my body wasn’t always easy. There were days when old habits crept back in, days when the negativity seemed overwhelming. But with each mindful breath, each conscious movement, a tiny seed of self-compassion bloomed. Estes’ words became a mantra: my body wasn’t the enemy, it was my ally, my partner in this wild adventure called life. And slowly, but surely, a new reality began to take shape. The once strained relationship with my body started to transform into a dance, a harmonious collaboration between spirit and flesh.

The road to complete healing was long, but the path was clearer now. With a renewed appreciation for the Wild Woman within and a newfound respect for my body, I felt empowered to face the world. The depression that had shrouded my life wasn’t gone, but it no longer felt like an insurmountable obstacle. Armed with these powerful tools – self-awareness, intuition, and a body-mind connection – I was ready to navigate the darkness, one step, one breath at a time.

⁃ The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana by Sir Richard Francis Burton – This book talks about the science of sexuality through various feminine and masculine archetypes. It correlates sexuality to talents, hobbies, vocation, etc and helps understand the role of sex in your holistic being. A lot of emotional pain perpetuates into our Sacral Chakra which is the hub of our individuality (femininity/masculinity). We sometimes hold energy blocks in our Sacral Chakra that not just block us away from our inner experience but also block us from experiencing the World in its entirety.

I’ll admit, “The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana” wasn’t exactly what I expected to find on my path to healing depression. But then again, maybe that’s precisely what I needed – a nudge outside my comfort zone. This ancient text, far from being a mere how-to manual, offered a surprisingly profound exploration of sexuality’s role in our overall well-being.

The idea of linking sexuality to feminine and masculine archetypes resonated deeply. Estes’ “Wild Woman” found a counterpart here, not just in terms of raw power, but also in the realm of sensuality. The book challenged the notion of sex as a purely physical act, instead presenting it as a way to express creativity, connect with our partners on a deeper level, and tap into a vital life force.

This resonated with the emotional blockages I felt within my Sacral Chakra, the supposed energy center linked to sexuality and creativity. Depression had certainly dampened both. The book offered practices like mindful touch and exploring different aspects of sensuality, not necessarily for the purpose of intercourse, but for self-discovery and a deeper connection with my own body.

It was a slow, tentative exploration at first. Aromatic baths became more than just hygiene rituals; they were a way to reconnect with my senses. Listening to music with a focus on the physical sensations it evoked was a revelation. These practices, while seemingly unrelated to sex, started to chip away at the walls I’d built around myself.

The impact on my relationship with intimacy was undeniable. Touch, once something associated with anxiety, became a source of comfort and connection. The focus shifted away from performance and towards exploration, creating a safe space for vulnerability and shared pleasure. It wasn’t a magical cure for depression, of course, but it was a missing piece of the puzzle, a way to reconnect with a vital part of myself that had been dormant for far too long.

This newfound awareness wasn’t without its challenges. There were moments of self-consciousness, anxieties that whispered doubts. But with each step, each mindful touch, a tiny seed of self-acceptance bloomed. The disconnect between my mind and body started to bridge, and with it came a renewed appreciation for the power and beauty of sexuality.

The journey towards healing was far from over, but a new perspective emerged. Depression might have dimmed my light, but it hadn’t extinguished it. By nurturing my body, reconnecting with my Wild Woman, and exploring the depths of my sensuality, I was reigniting the flame from within. The path ahead was still shrouded in uncertainty, but I walked it now with a newfound sense of wholeness, ready to embrace the darkness and the light, one mindful touch, one sensual breath at a time.

How are you dealing with your mental health? Any books you’d like to add to my list?